Considering there is a lot more awareness surrounding mental illnesses in society today, I still think it a rather taboo subject in some familes/circumstances. I am not ashamed to admit that I suffer with anxiety, I am not the worst possible case, I can physically leave my house but I have bad days and have had horrific flare ups (thats just what I call it) which impact my life massively.
A lot of people wouldn’t know I suffered unless you spoke to me for a while and then some of the things I do and say are slight giveaways. I try not to let it rule my everyday life but like I said, sometimes I have bad days and that cant be helped or changed.
Typically a ‘flare up’ will consist of my body hating me, I get bloated, all my muscles ache, I get migraines, I have panic attacks, overthink, horrible vivid dreams, dark thoughts that make me cry, I get paranoid, I get self-conscious… its horrible basically, I hate myself.
I very rarely get full flare ups anymore, I get the odd dark thought and panic attack here and there but its nothing like it used to be.
I was diagnosed with anxiety back in 2012, I was having a minimum of 5-6 panic attacks per day which was incredibly unhealthy and I was put on medication, I only took the medication twice before realising it really wasn’t for me at all. I have done it all on my own ever since and I am getting better as the years pass.
I feel like this past year my anxiety has taken 2 steps back because of pregnancy, motherhood etc, trust me when I tell you that it isn’t easy!
I have such an incredible support system around me, people willing to take Mia, give her a fun-packed day whilst I am sat at home wallowing in self pity haha just kidding, I really focus on me time and what will bring me back to me, that way when Mia comes home I am ready to be mommy again. I also have an amazing dad who noticed me struggling a couple of weeks ago and took Mia for her first sleep over at his house, I was more nervous that she wouldn’t sleep and give him hell, than I was excited for a night off. It all went amazing and he has had her a couple of times since then and more sleepovers planned because we all noticed what an amazing help it was, I felt like a new person all over again which meant I could give Mia all the love and mommy attention she needs (which is a lot!).
I know where my anxiety originates from and I know my triggers, even though I am fully aware of those thing, I am still unable to control it. Anxiety is a horrible, evil thing that just cannot be controlled. Panic attacks are possibly the worst part of anxiety. For me, panic attacks show themselves by giving me uncontrollable shakes, sweats, hyperventilating, racing heart and uncontrollable crying. It’s vile! It feels like I am going to die, every single time.
Bad days come and go but I still have to get up and go regardless.
That is hard.
I don’t deal with anxiety well, I tend to try and ignore it.
I dont do anything special, I don’t have magic tips, I literally take every day as it comes and work my damn hardest to get through to bedtime having put a smile on everyones face, including my own.
I’m sorry if this post didn’t help you at all but it felt good to get it off my chest. If you have any questions or would just like to chat about your mental health, your experiences or have any tips for me… please message me on any social media!